What about your friends: a girlfriend for every woman

Often times, I’ve encountered women who say they’d rather have male friends – implying that men are less apt to be biased in their judgments. In my opinion, men no matter their sexual preference, can not offer a good ol’ fashion girlfriend heart to heart and downright-fun-girlfriends-only shindig. There’s nothing better than having a woman on your side – someone who understands your chocolate cravings during that “time of the month,” can relate to your relationship ills or offer a listening ear when you’re having problems with your male supervisor.

I’ve lost a few friendships along the journey throughout my life, but as Tyler Perry’s Madea has so cleverly said in one of his plays, some folks are just leaves, passing in the wind. Currently, I have a very small circle of women friends; some of whom I’ve known for a very long time, some that I’ve reunited with since high school and others I met in recent years. Do we always agree? No. But that’s the beauty of friendships with girlfriends. You can argue today (assuming it wasn’t detrimental) and reconnect at a later time.


Although my circle is itty bitty, each of my friends offers a personable trait that helps us become better women, better friends and they always keep me on my toes kinda like the Golden Girls.

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You know you have a true girlfriend who’s worth keeping in the fold when she meets any of the following traits:

THE RIDE OF DIE FRIEND thelma-and-louise

She always has your back – she will don a ponytail and tennis shoes in a heartbeat as well as lather your face with Vaseline, in the event somebody or something “pops off.” Bail money is conveniently concealed underneath her mattress on the left side next to her loaded pistol.

madeaTRUTH HURTS FRIEND

She tells it like it is and doesn’t mind hurting your feelings, if it means getting you to focus on more important matters. She doesn’t hold punches but she’s hesitant to reach below the belt. She knows that telling you what you may not want to hear is probably what you need to hear.

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THE FORBES FRIEND

She’s successful and driven. You admire her and she motivates you to better manage your finances and your life. She’s probably the friend you call when you need bail money after an episode with your RIDE OR DIE FRIEND.

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Bridesmaids

HAPPY HOUR FRIEND

When you’re feeling low, she brings a ton of laughter followed by a number of good stiff drinks. And, she probably can drink you under the table. Both of you typically laugh your heads off while slurring your words. By the time you get home, you may not even remember the drama that led you to the bar in the first place.

last-holidayTHE WANDERLUST

This friend is an adventure-seeking individual. As a result of her love for new exploits, she pushes you to experience the fullness of life. You two travel together, swim under waterfalls and zipline across an expansive forest.

shirley-caesar“THE PLUG” FRIEND

She has the hookup on just about anything you need from weave bundles, concert tickets to designer purses. She knows somebody who knows somebody who can get you what you need.

With qualities like these, it’s nice to know that girlfriends can withstand the test of time and they come equipped with some pretty unique perks making it darn difficult for a male friend to compare. Getting rid of the idea of a female friend, #ibedamned.

If I missed a girlfriend-worthy attribute, please share it with me in the comments section.

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May Week: Bonding with the Sisterhood

Sisterhood: The Tie that Binds us

May Week has kicked off, and I feel like a better woman because of it. It was a humbling experience to have been the guest in a room full of successful, bright and ambitious women. I arrived a bit behind schedule but as I entered the dining room, they all turned to the door and as if on cue, they said,  “Heeeey.” It was as if they had waited just for me. And, I felt right at home; just to be among friendly faces. It was where I needed to be at the end of my long, tedious workday.

May Week is a national program of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. that was created in 1920. A week in May is set aside for programs highlighting academic and professional achievements and the events emphasize the importance of higher education in the community, especially for black women.(San Francisco-Peninsula Alumnae Chapter | Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Incorporated)

I walked down an aisle, situated between two rows of dining tables, blowing kisses to new and old familiar faces of my lovely sorors and hugged a few as I walked to the counter to place my order. I had never been a customer of the restaurant, but I could tell it was a homey spot. It was the kinda spot you would take your out-of-town friends who had a hankering for down-home cooking. I observed hot plates galore; homemade seafood and southern soul food meals all prepared by a chef who you could tell knew a thing or two about keeping a roomful of eager and hungry customers happy. The room was a bit steamy and the sizzling sounds from the back grill clashed with the multitude of conversations and laughter going on simultaneously around the room.


Albeit I enjoyed the night and the first of several activities scheduled for May Week, I am disheartened to admit that it’s rare to be around such positive people at one time. It seems that lately I have been thrown one curve ball of negative intention one after the other. Whether it be person or situation, the past few days were not as enjoyable as tonight. But, rather than dwelling on the past, I am pushing forward. I believe this day was the precursor of fun and positive memories to be had. And, I am more than ready to tackle the upcoming week chocked full of more socializing and networking. The agenda includes a signing of a proclamation by a city mayor, donating a small contribution to an area school and conducting phone calls to fellow sorority members that may be ill or disabled.

If you’re a soror, how will you spend May Week? If you’re not a soror, how will you spend the rest of your week?

Pictured with Mayor Rodney Grogan of Patterson, LA

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THOT Revolution: The war on morals and clothing

Welcome to the Thot Revolution, where the only requisites include wearing little clothing and having even less morals. If you’re unfamiliar with the term, then let me help you. Urban Dictionary defines THOT as an acronym; That Hoe Over There. While I’m for self-expression, I’m a self-proclaimed Anti-Thot. I despise the crass, lewd and disrespect. There’s a thin line between class and trash. And, our young ladies are discarding their images along with their integrity. It just so happens that March is National Women’s History Month. What would the notable women in history think about the perverse concept of “THOTS?”

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If you will, take a mental trip with me to one of the original cities that never sleeps; New Orleans, the Big Easy. Bourbon Street is the one of the top tourist areas of the country. And, on the weekend of the NBA All Star games, there were more than just balls and baskets being passed around, if you know what I mean. I saw more lingerie tops and panty bottoms that I thought I was at a Frederick’s of Hollywood fashion show. But, this particular show I’d rather NOT buy a ticket. Nonetheless, I had a front row seat to a real live catwalk down the city’s historic cobbled streets.

Q: So, what did I see?

A:  Let’s just say the people of Walmart would blush.

  • Saggy titties with nipples playing tag with their belly buttons
  • Shot-injected asses on tiny stilt legs
  • One woman was wearing a gold-sequined outfit resembling a dance  battle or majorette costume
  • Jean shorts that double as underwear
  • See-through shirts, no bras

Some might say, in defense, that I’m “jealous” or “hatin’.” But, I’m neither; in fact, content. And, I’m also working out to get the right body for me. Overall, I keep it lady-like. I can definitely admire a beautiful, classy woman, but what I can’t do is admire someone who’s appearance is vulgar and loose.

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Stop chasing these ballers and start chasing your own dollars. It’s pretty shameful to see and hear that women spend the majority of their lives changing their bodies for the sake of keeping or stealing a man. All the while, we’ve learned time and time again, that SOME men are never satisfied and will chase the next hot THANG that comes his way.

Surely, it’s easy to blame the thot-isms (a new word created for the purpose of this blog) on mainstream media. But, we must hold ourselves accountable for the poor decisions we make. Everywhere you turn, there’s a reality show, commercial  or magazine spread where women are objectified. “Thot” is not an endearment as the the world might have you think.

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Let’s be real. Half the female population is burning bras in protest while the other half  is letting their tatas fly free for the purpose of getting attention. Our young girls need to see examples of women who value their minds and bodies equally. The fact that it’s National Women’s Month, there should be a plethora of positive images readily available and on display. Don’t be a thots-be-like, be a woman is…strong, empowered and smart.

I’m sure to get flack regarding my opinion, but that’s ok. Let’s hear it.

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RaNsOM NOte: ReTaiL HOStagEs

Dear Retail Store,

YOU OWE ME. Why? Because, I am your customer. Your ads are delivered to my home weekly and the pretty, photoshopped pictures and attractive prices catch my eye. By the way, BOGOs are the best! In return, I purchase clothing, food and home essentials from your business. It’s the good ol’ American way, right? You want my money and all I want is your respect.

As a business, consider the hard work that your consumers put in daily to make a living; 35+ hours a week to make ends meet or putting in extra hours just to afford retail therapy. Money has no respect of person; therefore, you shouldn’t either. I just want fair and honest representation, and I’ll hold you hostage for as long as I deem necessary. Meet my requests and you can go free. I’m a simple lady. And, I don’t want anyone to get hurt.

  • Stock your shelves with hair products that cater to my hair texture!
  • Stock your shelves with makeup products that are shades darker than “tan!”
  • Give me pantyhose that match my skin tone!
  • And, your “nude” bras…well, they don’t camouflage well on my flesh-colored, dark brown “nude” skin.

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I demand that you take corrective measures.  I understand my worth; I know my buying power. And, in case you try to pull a fast one, I’m prepared. I’ll take to social media, tell my friends to tell their friends and phone more friends to shop elsewhere. After all, online shopping is the newest trend.

I’d prefer the convenience of shopping locally, but I will not be ignored. It’s pretty simple. Stock the shelves or your net profit gets it!

Signed,

BFADK: Black Female Armed and Dangerous with Knowledge

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But you want me to turn a blind eye to your impracticality. Well, #ibedamned!

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Who You Callin' a Bitch?

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VH1’s Love & Hip Hop

When boredom strikes, I turn on the tube. Not much of a reality TV fanatic, but my eye is drawn to a show that’s speaking my language, Sisterhood of Hip Hop. I initially think the show is about strong bitches…oops, I mean women making an impact in the rap industry. For about 20 minutes, I’m correct in my assumption. The cast members are five women from different hip hop meccas across the US; from New York to Atlanta, Georgia.  I’m drawn in even more when I learn that each woman comes with her own unique style; from hardcore street vibes to sultry Jamaican patois. I was about as eager to watch this show as I was when VH1 premiered Miss Rap Supreme in 2008. Unfortunately, it managed to fall flat and was not renewed to return a second season. Foreshadowing, I presume. Legend femcee Queen Latifah made an appearance on Sisterhood and the women were tasked with remaking Queen’s U.N.I.T.Y. The song is about selfempowerment and women uniting to defend one’s self against degradation and violence. In the lyrics, she lashes out, “who you callin’ a bitch?” as if to respond to a harassing male on the street. I remember hearing this song as a young female adolescent hanging out with my girlfriends, chilling on the block and feeling like giants among men because we had a song about us and for us; a ladies anthem, if you will. During the few minutes I chose to bestow my full attention to this episode, I was relieved to see a series where women were working together with a purpose of promoting their careers, honing their passions and where women were not objectified as lustful, sexual beings. I figured I had embarked upon a DVR-worthy treasure.

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Lupe Fiasco “Bitch Bad.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3m3t_PxiUI

The original song, U.N.I.T.Y from 1994 was slightly altered and the original hook was slowed to play host to a more 21st Century sound. Each rapper stepped to the mic and what I heard was contradictory at best. While it was wrong for a man to call a woman a bitch, it was ok for “a bitch” and her “bitches” to “ride together” and have each other’s back. With every bitch-laden verse, I was agitated. I couldn’t see the unity for the bitch trees. This seemed to be almost the opposite of Queen’s U.N.I.T.Y‘s meaning. Why not use words like, sistas, ladies, women, queens or my girls? How can you differentiate between a good bitch from a bad bitch (bad meaning bad)? In which friendly voice should one use in order to call another person a bitch? 9188466002_e01ae69764_mApparently, they’re not the only groups or persons to use the word, but it’s more disheartening to hear a female acknowledge herself as a bitch and think it’s a display of strength. So, I’m inclined to question myself: Am I a bit too traditional? Is Bitch a term of endearment? Can we be reformed? Or, am I merely too bitchy about bitches just being bitches? I would love to hear your response.

#ibedamned

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