THOT Revolution: The war on morals and clothing

Welcome to the Thot Revolution, where the only requisites include wearing little clothing and having even less morals. If you’re unfamiliar with the term, then let me help you. Urban Dictionary defines THOT as an acronym; That Hoe Over There. While I’m for self-expression, I’m a self-proclaimed Anti-Thot. I despise the crass, lewd and disrespect. There’s a thin line between class and trash. And, our young ladies are discarding their images along with their integrity. It just so happens that March is National Women’s History Month. What would the notable women in history think about the perverse concept of “THOTS?”

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If you will, take a mental trip with me to one of the original cities that never sleeps; New Orleans, the Big Easy. Bourbon Street is the one of the top tourist areas of the country. And, on the weekend of the NBA All Star games, there were more than just balls and baskets being passed around, if you know what I mean. I saw more lingerie tops and panty bottoms that I thought I was at a Frederick’s of Hollywood fashion show. But, this particular show I’d rather NOT buy a ticket. Nonetheless, I had a front row seat to a real live catwalk down the city’s historic cobbled streets.

Q: So, what did I see?

A:  Let’s just say the people of Walmart would blush.

  • Saggy titties with nipples playing tag with their belly buttons
  • Shot-injected asses on tiny stilt legs
  • One woman was wearing a gold-sequined outfit resembling a dance  battle or majorette costume
  • Jean shorts that double as underwear
  • See-through shirts, no bras

Some might say, in defense, that I’m “jealous” or “hatin’.” But, I’m neither; in fact, content. And, I’m also working out to get the right body for me. Overall, I keep it lady-like. I can definitely admire a beautiful, classy woman, but what I can’t do is admire someone who’s appearance is vulgar and loose.

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Stop chasing these ballers and start chasing your own dollars. It’s pretty shameful to see and hear that women spend the majority of their lives changing their bodies for the sake of keeping or stealing a man. All the while, we’ve learned time and time again, that SOME men are never satisfied and will chase the next hot THANG that comes his way.

Surely, it’s easy to blame the thot-isms (a new word created for the purpose of this blog) on mainstream media. But, we must hold ourselves accountable for the poor decisions we make. Everywhere you turn, there’s a reality show, commercial  or magazine spread where women are objectified. “Thot” is not an endearment as the the world might have you think.

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Let’s be real. Half the female population is burning bras in protest while the other half  is letting their tatas fly free for the purpose of getting attention. Our young girls need to see examples of women who value their minds and bodies equally. The fact that it’s National Women’s Month, there should be a plethora of positive images readily available and on display. Don’t be a thots-be-like, be a woman is…strong, empowered and smart.

I’m sure to get flack regarding my opinion, but that’s ok. Let’s hear it.

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What do the lonely do…on Valentine’s Day?

“What do the lonely do…” are lyrics taken from a Christmas song by the Emotions. The same can be said about Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day is that time of year when single people regularly gag at the sight of loving couples. Or, maybe that was just me. But, I’ve been redeemed, reformed, renewed…you get it; I’m no longer an insensitive asshole.  I’ve learned that I, too, can enjoy Valentine’s Day without feeling guilty of being a sap sucker. So, instead of doing nothing at all while the rest of the world is enjoying the day in bliss, I’m going to “find me” and be at peace. So, ladies, I hope these ideas spark action in your life or just pass them on to your single girlfriends .

  • Organize a Girls Night Out

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Obviously, this would make sense organizing an event with your single girlfriends. Coordinate a slumber party (a throwback to your younger years) at a swanky hotel, play games and top off the night by attending a social event or club. Whatever you do, make it a night to remember. No one should be home alone on this day. Who knows, it could be the night you find your special someone.

  • Love yourself, dammit.

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That’s right. Ain’t nothing wrong with a little bump and grind. Go to an adult novelty shop with your friends or by yourself. Purchase sexy lingerie or add to your secret stash (you know the one). Just because you’re by yourself,  doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun.

  • Visit a senior citizen residency center.

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Maybe your Valentine won’t be in your age group, but there are plenty of Valentines of the seasoned kind. Some residents who rarely see visitors would surely appreciate the company or would love a heartfelt meaningful card. As a result of your kind act, you might find a friend. Older individuals are generally full of wisdom, history and wit.

  • Pamper thyself.

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Do you! Indulge in a day at the spa. Get your nails and hair DID. Top that off with a killer outfit and feel good about your status. You’re amazing. What man can resist a new coif, cute toes and a beautiful woman.

  • Shop the sale rack.       

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Forget the candy aisle in your pharmacy retail store on Valentine’s Day. Let the lovers have their day. But, oh you wait. February 15th will have ALL the deals and discounts on candy. If you’ve got a sweet tooth, then you’re in for a treat. I have gone straight bat shit crazy the day after Valentine’s Day and bought enough candy to hibernate until Halloween.

  • Watch a movie.

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I’m not a movie buff, but I enjoy the occasional action film. And, what better way to feel good about your single self than to watch Kill Bill, Volume 1 and 2. Or, just binge watch the latest and greatest on Netflix. If you’re a hopeless romantic, then check out the Hallmark channel. Hallmark has filmed just about every relationship scenario known to man and they seemingly have the power to pull every emotion out of you in 90 minutes or less.  Add popcorn and you’re ready for a good night.

  • Order take out.

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Everybody else is lying on Facebook. Why can’t you? Order take out and post the pics on your social media page. Enjoy a gourmet meal made by the hands of your favorite, local restaurant chef.

  • Go to a bar.

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What do you think other singles are doing? They’re getting their DRANK on and enjoying the company of other singles. You don’t have to take the person home, but you can attempt fate and hopefully engage in great conversation with a perfect stranger. Get the digits or leave ’em just how you met…alone in a bar.

Just because Valentine’s Day is widely known as a day for lovers, it’s also remembered as a day when seven male members of an Irish gang were gruesomely murdered back in the 1920s. Who recalls that bit of information from high school social studies class? Anyway, what I’m saying is that Valentine’s Day is what you make it. Make it a day filled with love and appreciation for ya damn self. #ibedamned

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Don’t kill my vibe: 8 ways to spice up your love life

Warning: This is not a relationship advice column. It’s more like a suggestion or offering of good words. Ok, I confess. You can call it a getting-to-know-you-better-so-we-can-become-a-happier-couple advice blog. Fair?

Even if you’re not committed to one person, take heed to the following; it can be a fun way to liven up any relationship, even if you’re waiting on Mr. or Mrs. Right.


Unlike the obvious reasons for breakups, divorce or separations like financial challenges and infidelity, there’s one issue we tend to overlook; boredom. Boredom can suck all the fun out of your love life and can result in a dull lover. You may think throwing in the towel on your lackluster relationship is easier, but indulge your partner in excitement to keep the spice alive. Resuscitate your love life and try the following:

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Be silly.

Find someone that laughs at your corny jokes or someone who reciprocates a corny joke or two. It can be something that only the two of you understand. Or, come up with your own handshake. Celebrities like Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union have one. And in my opinion, it’s pretty silly. But, that’s the point; it’s their thing and they love each other. That’s all that matters. If you can’t be silly with the one you love, then with whom can you be the most vulnerable.

paddle_boarding_in_bora_boraSet goals.

Dream about a future together. In the event, you’re with someone for the long haul, start putting those dreams into action. Whether it’s about planning a wedding or a vacation, talk about it. Save up for the things you want and desire. Prepare yourself. Be the change you want to see. And, if that person cares enough for you, they’ll make changes necessary for a life with you.

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Role play.

Don’t be shy. If you’ve ever desired to be an actor, here’s your chance. If you’re still not comfortable, revert to Step # 1; be silly. Costumes aren’t just for Halloween. They can be for any day of the week. And, it doesn’t have to be in person. Try phoning your lover in phone play. Break the ice. Better yet, invite a cup of ice into your bedroom. It’s just another way to introduce excitement into your bedroom, living room, kitchen…you get the point.

baby_dance_scary_funny_baby_danceTurn on the music

And, dance! “Music soothes the savage beast.” Quite the cliche, but it’s true. Music can enhance the playful or sensual side in both you and your partner. Music can fine tune any relationship. You don’t even have to go out to a club to listen to music. You can enjoy it from the comforts of your home.

extreme_christmas_quiz_with_phil_lester_collabmas_day_13Pop quiz.

Take one of those online quizzes. You’ll be amazed at the amount of information you can learn from someone you thought you already knew. There are a ton of questions you can ask each other, especially questions pertaining to your childhood. What was your favorite cartoon? If you could possess a super power, what would it be? Why?

bungee-jumpPlan a super date.

Don’t just do dinner and a movie. Do something totally unfamiliar and out of your comfort zone. Need some help? Take a road trip to nowhere. Pack your bags and enough food and snacks to keep your bellies full while you take on the open highway. It’ll be a perfect time to talk, reminisce, act like teenagers again and enjoy each other’s company. How about tap into your youthful side and visit a zoo or horse ranch? Or, walk on the wild side and go to a zip line park or take on parasailing. Nothing says excitement like being suspended 800 feet in the air; that’s one way to break out a relationship stalemate.

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Get into your birthday suit. 

No no no. Get your mind out the gutter. Well, actually just peek a little bit. Take a skinny dip into the pool. Getting naked is definitely not boring, if you’re doing it right. But, getting naked in water with your boo thang is like a scene out of an HBO skin flick; tawdry and self respecting. What an oxymoron!

letterWrite a love note.

Leave a note in his wallet or in her purse or in a lunch kit. Everyone likes an encouraging word to get them through the day. Write something you would want to hear or remind them why you chose them as your SO.

So, there’s hope for you after all…#ibedamned

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#SmallTownProblems, #BigDatingIssues

When you live in a small community, dating can be somewhat of a daunting bid; like buying shoes at the one shoe store in town and later wearing them in public only to find out that everyone else bought the same pair.  But, if you’re lucky enough to find a cute one-of-a-kind designer brand, consider yourself the belle of the ball.

Small towns may also lack in optional dating scenes. However, you don’t have to go out of town or spend a lot of money to have a good time. Sometimes, the best locale is off-the-beaten path and unspoiled. First dates may be awkward but they can also be fun, if both parties are interested in trying new things. And, it doesn’t always have to be dinner and a movie. Be adventurous and remain open-minded.

Check out the list below for ideas that can offer multiple opportunities to help you “break in your new shoes” but not break the bank:

 

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Love and Basketball
  • If you’re the competitive type, try a night game of basketball. A game displaying physical strength and agility could show a number of positive attributes and even some negatives, like his metabolism level; how soon does he get winded or if he has a propensity for good sportsmanship. Trash talking’s not so bad either. It’s a display of his competitive yet playful side.

 

 

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    50 First Dates

    Enjoy a nice stroll at a park near a lake or just go fishing together. It might seem cliché, but parks and waterways are typically serene spaces. It also forces both of you to engage in conversation; talk about your pleasant childhood memories, hobbies, interests and personal goals. Fishing can also show if a man is sensitive to the outdoors; a likely turn-off if you’re a rough and rugged kinda gal. And, sunsets! They’re a perfect end to any date; whether good or bad. It could either be a set up to a sweet smooch or a sweet goodbye.

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  • Attend an outdoor concert or festival. Music speaks to the soul. Really, it does! Listening to music together can answer three things: 1) Does he have rhythm? 2) Do you have similar musical tastes? and 3) How well does he function around crowds? These are three important clues that may dictate the possibility of subsequent dates.

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  • Go to a gun range. What woman doesn’t want to feel protected? And, what man doesn’t love a woman who can stand her ground in the face of danger? Some outdoor shooting ranges are free to the public. Just make an appointment, bring your own gun and ammunition.

 

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Naked and Afraid
  • Try a nature trail. This ain’t your regular bag of nuts and berries. It’s likely a testament to your potential future relationship. On this date, make it a point to get a little intimate…on a platonic level. Here’s how: spray and rub mosquito repellent on each other, bring a light lunch, take pictures of the scenery and of each other. While in nature, let nature do what it does best; allow it to take its natural course.

 

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  • Watch thespians on stage. AKA, attend a play at a small theatre. There’s likely a fee attached but it’s nominal. And, often times, the money stays in-house to fund additional stage plays or renovations. Small theatre houses offer a quaint, quiet atmosphere and during intermission you can discuss the acts and actors as if you were play critics.

 

Karaoke

  • Karaoke. Sing like Whitney, Mariah or Prince. Yeah right! But, if you’re gifted and can belt out tunes like the greats, then go for it. You’d likely hit a couple of high notes with your date. But, if you’re not musically inclined, it’s still ok to sing your favorite songs by your favorite artists because it’s just for fun. Get in touch with your silly side. FYI: sing within your range. You’re not auditioning for American Idol, it’s just a first date.

 

  • Go fly a kite, literally! Go to a wide open space like a nearby beach and fly a kite. It’s not an activity just for children, it’s for the kid at heart. At the end of your flight, pull out the blanket and have a picnic. It’s even more memorable if your date owns a pickup truck. Jump in the back and enjoy the sunset.

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Facebook: J.Laitnen
  • Dinner and a movie, why not? It’s not just any type of dinner. It’s Iron Chef meets Love Connection. If you’re pretty comfortable with the person, invite him or her over to your home and create a challenge that’s sure to get more than just your burners hot. Top it off with a movie. If you’re not a really good cook, that’s ok. I suggest a horror or suspenseful movie. That way, the scariest thing about the date would be the movie and not your cooking.

 

 

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Night at the Museum
  • Go to a museum. You don’t have to be a hipster to enjoy fine art or exhibits. Art is all about interpretation. You might just learn something new.

 

 

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  • Invite mutual friends over for a game night. Group settings are great ways to learn about each other as well as the caliber of friends he’s acquired. After all, birds of a feather flock together. Game nights are increasingly becoming the new adult craze in large cities. Why not make it an event in your own home or neutral site. And, if you don’t hit it off, maybe you help a fellow friend find the man of her dreams.

Who knew that living in a small town could offer such a plethora of date activities for FREE. Keep in mind that you will probably become hungry during the date, so make sure to be financially ready to fork over a few dollars for a meal, if you’re going dutch. Compiling the list was pretty easy. Now, it’s up to you to find the right companion.

#ibedamned

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His Love Gives Me the Blues, Funk and all that Jazz

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It’s complicated. On our off days, it’s an open relationship. Sometimes, it’s a civil union. Tomorrow, we’ll probably be in a domestic partnership. But, today, we’re married.

I met him a long time ago. We’ve gone through a rough patch the past few years. He changed along the way. But, so did I. Even when we were on the brink of separation, I knew that I only had eyes for him. I never thought I could love him the way that I do. I dig him. I love his style, his mind, his passion, the way he loves me and even the way we fight. After all, only he understands me.

398334811_c8d9dd19f6_mWhen I’m moody, vile and contemptuous, he calms me. When I’m playful and pretty, he compliments me. And, when I’m seductive and sexy, he moves me. I admit that I flaunt it for the world to see. Public places, private spaces. This man is an animal. And, I don’t care who sees…or hears. He taught me to be free and embrace my wild side.

Grandmother said, “when you find something that good, you better hold on to it.” Mom wasn’t quite convinced, in the beginning. She thought he was reckless, loud and obnoxious. I admit that he wasn’t the best role model. What can I say? Good girls like bad boys; the ones with hard, cold cash money. His past may not have been as squeaky clean as mine. But, that was the attraction. He welcomed me into his salacious world of sex, drugs, crime and money. We partied with friends until the wee hours. I was privy to his lifestyle and he was all the more eager to share it with me.

We grew apart for a moment when I entered college. I’d simply become an adult. I still liked to party. Every now and then, he’d drop by, spend the night, help me study, put me to sleep. I changed but my attraction to him remained. He could woo any woman.

After a while, he changed too. It was almost right before my eyes. He started to take an interest in some of the things that I liked; activism, empowerment, and community awareness. I’d like to say it was a matter of common sense or maybe, we already had these things in common, after all. He knew that if he was going to stay with me, he’d have to evolve. We no longer ran in the same circles as we did years ago. No matter how much he altered his appearance or his environment, he would always be that street dude with grimy intensity and a gritty edge. He could provoke thought. He could move the masses with a mere rhythm and beat.

Hip hop, you’re the love of my life.

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#ibedamned

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