What do the lonely do…on Valentine’s Day?

“What do the lonely do…” are lyrics taken from a Christmas song by the Emotions. The same can be said about Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day is that time of year when single people regularly gag at the sight of loving couples. Or, maybe that was just me. But, I’ve been redeemed, reformed, renewed…you get it; I’m no longer an insensitive asshole.  I’ve learned that I, too, can enjoy Valentine’s Day without feeling guilty of being a sap sucker. So, instead of doing nothing at all while the rest of the world is enjoying the day in bliss, I’m going to “find me” and be at peace. So, ladies, I hope these ideas spark action in your life or just pass them on to your single girlfriends .

  • Organize a Girls Night Out

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Obviously, this would make sense organizing an event with your single girlfriends. Coordinate a slumber party (a throwback to your younger years) at a swanky hotel, play games and top off the night by attending a social event or club. Whatever you do, make it a night to remember. No one should be home alone on this day. Who knows, it could be the night you find your special someone.

  • Love yourself, dammit.

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That’s right. Ain’t nothing wrong with a little bump and grind. Go to an adult novelty shop with your friends or by yourself. Purchase sexy lingerie or add to your secret stash (you know the one). Just because you’re by yourself,  doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun.

  • Visit a senior citizen residency center.

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Maybe your Valentine won’t be in your age group, but there are plenty of Valentines of the seasoned kind. Some residents who rarely see visitors would surely appreciate the company or would love a heartfelt meaningful card. As a result of your kind act, you might find a friend. Older individuals are generally full of wisdom, history and wit.

  • Pamper thyself.

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Do you! Indulge in a day at the spa. Get your nails and hair DID. Top that off with a killer outfit and feel good about your status. You’re amazing. What man can resist a new coif, cute toes and a beautiful woman.

  • Shop the sale rack.       

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Forget the candy aisle in your pharmacy retail store on Valentine’s Day. Let the lovers have their day. But, oh you wait. February 15th will have ALL the deals and discounts on candy. If you’ve got a sweet tooth, then you’re in for a treat. I have gone straight bat shit crazy the day after Valentine’s Day and bought enough candy to hibernate until Halloween.

  • Watch a movie.

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I’m not a movie buff, but I enjoy the occasional action film. And, what better way to feel good about your single self than to watch Kill Bill, Volume 1 and 2. Or, just binge watch the latest and greatest on Netflix. If you’re a hopeless romantic, then check out the Hallmark channel. Hallmark has filmed just about every relationship scenario known to man and they seemingly have the power to pull every emotion out of you in 90 minutes or less.  Add popcorn and you’re ready for a good night.

  • Order take out.

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Everybody else is lying on Facebook. Why can’t you? Order take out and post the pics on your social media page. Enjoy a gourmet meal made by the hands of your favorite, local restaurant chef.

  • Go to a bar.

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What do you think other singles are doing? They’re getting their DRANK on and enjoying the company of other singles. You don’t have to take the person home, but you can attempt fate and hopefully engage in great conversation with a perfect stranger. Get the digits or leave ’em just how you met…alone in a bar.

Just because Valentine’s Day is widely known as a day for lovers, it’s also remembered as a day when seven male members of an Irish gang were gruesomely murdered back in the 1920s. Who recalls that bit of information from high school social studies class? Anyway, what I’m saying is that Valentine’s Day is what you make it. Make it a day filled with love and appreciation for ya damn self. #ibedamned

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Don’t kill my vibe: 8 ways to spice up your love life

Warning: This is not a relationship advice column. It’s more like a suggestion or offering of good words. Ok, I confess. You can call it a getting-to-know-you-better-so-we-can-become-a-happier-couple advice blog. Fair?

Even if you’re not committed to one person, take heed to the following; it can be a fun way to liven up any relationship, even if you’re waiting on Mr. or Mrs. Right.


Unlike the obvious reasons for breakups, divorce or separations like financial challenges and infidelity, there’s one issue we tend to overlook; boredom. Boredom can suck all the fun out of your love life and can result in a dull lover. You may think throwing in the towel on your lackluster relationship is easier, but indulge your partner in excitement to keep the spice alive. Resuscitate your love life and try the following:

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Be silly.

Find someone that laughs at your corny jokes or someone who reciprocates a corny joke or two. It can be something that only the two of you understand. Or, come up with your own handshake. Celebrities like Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union have one. And in my opinion, it’s pretty silly. But, that’s the point; it’s their thing and they love each other. That’s all that matters. If you can’t be silly with the one you love, then with whom can you be the most vulnerable.

paddle_boarding_in_bora_boraSet goals.

Dream about a future together. In the event, you’re with someone for the long haul, start putting those dreams into action. Whether it’s about planning a wedding or a vacation, talk about it. Save up for the things you want and desire. Prepare yourself. Be the change you want to see. And, if that person cares enough for you, they’ll make changes necessary for a life with you.

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Role play.

Don’t be shy. If you’ve ever desired to be an actor, here’s your chance. If you’re still not comfortable, revert to Step # 1; be silly. Costumes aren’t just for Halloween. They can be for any day of the week. And, it doesn’t have to be in person. Try phoning your lover in phone play. Break the ice. Better yet, invite a cup of ice into your bedroom. It’s just another way to introduce excitement into your bedroom, living room, kitchen…you get the point.

baby_dance_scary_funny_baby_danceTurn on the music

And, dance! “Music soothes the savage beast.” Quite the cliche, but it’s true. Music can enhance the playful or sensual side in both you and your partner. Music can fine tune any relationship. You don’t even have to go out to a club to listen to music. You can enjoy it from the comforts of your home.

extreme_christmas_quiz_with_phil_lester_collabmas_day_13Pop quiz.

Take one of those online quizzes. You’ll be amazed at the amount of information you can learn from someone you thought you already knew. There are a ton of questions you can ask each other, especially questions pertaining to your childhood. What was your favorite cartoon? If you could possess a super power, what would it be? Why?

bungee-jumpPlan a super date.

Don’t just do dinner and a movie. Do something totally unfamiliar and out of your comfort zone. Need some help? Take a road trip to nowhere. Pack your bags and enough food and snacks to keep your bellies full while you take on the open highway. It’ll be a perfect time to talk, reminisce, act like teenagers again and enjoy each other’s company. How about tap into your youthful side and visit a zoo or horse ranch? Or, walk on the wild side and go to a zip line park or take on parasailing. Nothing says excitement like being suspended 800 feet in the air; that’s one way to break out a relationship stalemate.

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Get into your birthday suit. 

No no no. Get your mind out the gutter. Well, actually just peek a little bit. Take a skinny dip into the pool. Getting naked is definitely not boring, if you’re doing it right. But, getting naked in water with your boo thang is like a scene out of an HBO skin flick; tawdry and self respecting. What an oxymoron!

letterWrite a love note.

Leave a note in his wallet or in her purse or in a lunch kit. Everyone likes an encouraging word to get them through the day. Write something you would want to hear or remind them why you chose them as your SO.

So, there’s hope for you after all…#ibedamned

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Uninvited Guest

You showed up uninvited. You’re not welcomed here. And, bullying me is not going to solve anything.

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We met one random day long ago. By the way, I never remember your birthday. Your mere presence has always been…underwhelming. Since you were birthed, it wasn’t love at first sight. In fact, it felt like shattered dreams; a nightmare even. However, folks told me, to “get over it” and embrace you. Mom and Dad told me to love you. “I. hate. you,” I often whispered under my breath. You came into my life when things were just starting to really blossom; I was a college graduate, secured my first place and my first real job. And, then you arrived; a bundle of confusion. Even now that you’re starting to “mature,” you’re still aggravating and yep, your presence still fails to impress me.

2466907728_6574769d5e_mAt any given moment, you’re never too far behind; always peeking and putting your nose in places it has no business. I pretend not to notice you but you’re irksome. I wish you’d just go away. I admit I’m unyielding in my disdain against you. Some think I’m a bit extreme. I’m just bold enough to say it aloud.

Foolish me to think we could coexist and share a common space. I tried to look at the good in you, but I couldn’t get over the fact that we were so very different. I’d say young, you’d say old. I’d say dark, you’d say light. You always wanted to be the center of attention. Nevermind that I had the winning personality and yes, the oh-so-good looks. But, you’d do anything to spoil my fun.

You’re the one rotten apple that spoiled the bunch, the thorn in my cerebrum, the albatross around my follicle. Single gray hair, you’re the uninvited guest I wish had never RSVP’d. Single gray hair plus one…plus two…plus plenty.

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#ibedamned

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His Love Gives Me the Blues, Funk and all that Jazz

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It’s complicated. On our off days, it’s an open relationship. Sometimes, it’s a civil union. Tomorrow, we’ll probably be in a domestic partnership. But, today, we’re married.

I met him a long time ago. We’ve gone through a rough patch the past few years. He changed along the way. But, so did I. Even when we were on the brink of separation, I knew that I only had eyes for him. I never thought I could love him the way that I do. I dig him. I love his style, his mind, his passion, the way he loves me and even the way we fight. After all, only he understands me.

398334811_c8d9dd19f6_mWhen I’m moody, vile and contemptuous, he calms me. When I’m playful and pretty, he compliments me. And, when I’m seductive and sexy, he moves me. I admit that I flaunt it for the world to see. Public places, private spaces. This man is an animal. And, I don’t care who sees…or hears. He taught me to be free and embrace my wild side.

Grandmother said, “when you find something that good, you better hold on to it.” Mom wasn’t quite convinced, in the beginning. She thought he was reckless, loud and obnoxious. I admit that he wasn’t the best role model. What can I say? Good girls like bad boys; the ones with hard, cold cash money. His past may not have been as squeaky clean as mine. But, that was the attraction. He welcomed me into his salacious world of sex, drugs, crime and money. We partied with friends until the wee hours. I was privy to his lifestyle and he was all the more eager to share it with me.

We grew apart for a moment when I entered college. I’d simply become an adult. I still liked to party. Every now and then, he’d drop by, spend the night, help me study, put me to sleep. I changed but my attraction to him remained. He could woo any woman.

After a while, he changed too. It was almost right before my eyes. He started to take an interest in some of the things that I liked; activism, empowerment, and community awareness. I’d like to say it was a matter of common sense or maybe, we already had these things in common, after all. He knew that if he was going to stay with me, he’d have to evolve. We no longer ran in the same circles as we did years ago. No matter how much he altered his appearance or his environment, he would always be that street dude with grimy intensity and a gritty edge. He could provoke thought. He could move the masses with a mere rhythm and beat.

Hip hop, you’re the love of my life.

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#ibedamned

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